OH NO IT’S THE FESTIVAL WANKS…

OH NO IT’S THE FESTIVAL WANKS…

WINS AWARD FOR LEAST AMUSING HEADLINE TO BE USED FOR FIVE YEARS ON THE TROT

Little known and even less well liked ‘periodical’ Shavers Weekly has won an award at The Grand Annual Pointless Award Ceremony. The award for least amusing long term gag was given to the drinking fanzine after their usage of the “Oh no! Its the festival wanks!” headline for the sixth year in sucession and as a direct tribute to the papers lack of care and imagination, the Shavers Weekly can exclusively and proudly reveal!

STEAMING

Picking up the award on behalf of a ‘sickly’ Frank Simpson arts supremo Pete Irvine talked at length about his fondness for The Weekly, his own hairstyle, soul sensation Alexander ‘o’ Neal and snails and oysters lightly poached in a  yellowbean sauce with galanga and lemongrass accompanied with either a pitcher of Cava and cranberry or a ‘decent’ new world Chardonnay. He also raised eyebrows by revealing his latest plans for the capital – with every weekend throughout the year being turned into a ‘mini festival’. “These weekends will start on Wednesday,” he added roguishly.

BLADDERED

The whereabouts of Shavers Weekly editor Mr. Frank ‘deek at the fanny’ Simpson was unknown. But what was revealed by a Weekly press  spokesperson was that Frank was a self made millionaire, ex Formula 1 racing driver, stuntman and “one hell of a guy.” It was  made clear that Mr. Simpson, 59, was a ‘sensitive’ lover who could employ a full range of foreplay techniques. It was also confirmed by the spokesperson that, at the weekend,  Frank liked to fly  one of his three different coloured helicopters as a way to relax and ‘let off steam.’

George Duffin was unavailable for comment as organisers had ensured that under no circumstances would he be allowed access to the event.

FULL STORY AND PICTURES page 7 column 5.

Leave a reply