TAKE SIX: IS TJ HOOKER BETTER THAN MAGNUM & HOUSTON?

TAKE SIX: IS TJ HOOKER BETTER THAN MAGNUM & HOUSTON?

"Irvine: Every youthful."

Peter Irvine MBE, 49, Arts supreme and Hogmanay Nuevo-terrorist.

Well, in my opinion, and lets run with this if we will, one would have to go with Matt Houston. I’m not just saying this to be contrary – truly I’m not. You really just have to look into the motives of their actions – Hooker: driven by a deep seated hatred of criminals, his family tradition of police patronage plus an ever increasing monetary need in the direction of stomach corsetry. Magnum P.I. – certainly all man that’s for sure, that box is ticked, no problems there, he’s the real deal alright, but really his attitude towards his dealing with the criminal classes is based more on the chances of him getting his hole rather than any great gesture of magnanimity towards the community. If we however look towards Matt Houston the self made millionaire turned good guy and private investigator his intentions were very much directed towards the general well being of society. In many ways not unlike my own endeavours involving a certain Scottish celebratory evening don’t you think readers? But it’s not about me, on this occasion anyway, Houston gets my vote.

Alex Salmond, Scottish First minister and cute, chubby potato head.

Well, for me, it simply, simply has to Magnum. PI. You might think this is because of his loyalty to Higgins and his homeland -the beautiful Island of Hawaii -No, more the fact that he used to run around the island in a short top, bulging shorts cut tight† (and I mean tight, you remember that episode I hope – I’ll never forget it) around the rear. So as far as my parallels about belief in one’s own country are out the window I vote Magnum because I love those shorts. So tight.

Jack Vettriano, Artist.

I have always liked T.J. Hooker and have always held a deep-rooted desire to paint him- In the same way that I would never ever paint Colin Montgomery- draped or undraped- have you had a look at his arse recently – I hope not! – he, quite simply, is a monster tea cake that shouldn’t be. A quitter, a grumpenmaestro-massive, of his own making – lets us remember this and use it to scare our children.† Put the fear of god into them by telling tales about who will come and get them if they are in any way badly behaved. Not the bogeyman not Russell Brand on poppers…but the ‘Monty’ – a huge self inflated flatulent horrobisc of a sub-human who with his glaring false teeth headlights, moves around the country seeking out the bad children and, upon finding them, buries them up to their necks in sand – before autographing their foreheads…That aside TJ gets my vote.

Nicola Roberts, Stunning, absolutely stunning, singer from girls aloud.

First of let me start by saying that I realise that `I’m totally gorge but also very busy. Mr Simpson has no right to bother me on this subject when he knows quite well that I’m an unadulterated fan of Richard Bradford of the Man In a Suitcase series.

Pepper, Border Collie, Stockbridge.

Why this brutal battle for supremacy:No Contest- Matt Houston all the way. Incidently I am sending this message from doggie heaven, I went peacefully at the family home in S. queensferry just before my 14th birthday. Thanks to all for the fun and frolics xx.

Kerry Katona, Unemployable mum with a job on the telly.

Oooh I don’t know, normally I prefer my overbearing partner Mark to make important decisions like this for me. Fuck I’m starving.

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