STOCKBRIDGE DUCK RACE TO BE PRIVATISED

STOCKBRIDGE DUCK RACE TO BE PRIVATISED

‘MOST EXCITING EVENT IN THE WORLD EVER’ PROMISES EDITOR.

"Vision: How Mr. Simpson sees ‘the new improved’ Duck Race in 2018."

Shavers Weekly editor Mr Frank Simpson has announced ambitious plans to privatise the Stockbridge Duck Race and use it as a vehicle to promote his publication and sexual rating amongst the general public.

CHARITY

“The Duck Race has become a healthy charitable institution in the new town, raising a lot of money for good causes, children, the environment and the aged – it’s about time that I changed all that.” commented the 62-year-old self-made millionaire. “Gone will be the profits to charity.  Gone will be the free entry and gone will be the duck themselves – I intend to replace them with empty cans of Tennets lager in an effort to maximise value for money – for me that is, you understand.

CC BLOOMS

It’s with cash in mind that I will also be changing the time and date to Every Friday at Six ‘o’clock and of course the ducks will now be selling for a tenner each. But the punters needn’t worry as the prizes will be much greater as well – such as two nights out with me downstairs at CC’s instead of the previous single night out.”

Ordinary: The Duck Race as it used to look prior to the intervention of the brilliant, sophisticated, well-endowed, respectable, caring and sensitive Shavers weekly editor Frank F.W. De Simpson, who belies in getting straight to the point without wasting any unnecessary column inches.

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