SHAVERS WEEKLY – TEACH YOURSELF SWEDISH

LESSON 12: AT THE PORNOGRAPHERS

First turn your Shavers Weekly ‘Teach Yourself Swedish’ cassette to track 12 and listen to the ensuing dialogue.

Good. Now rewind and listen again. Right. Did you understand that? If not, read the English translation below and then listen again.

Voice 1: Good afternoon, shopkeeper.

Voice 2: Afternoon sir. Turned out nice again.

Voice 1: The geese have all flown south for the winter and the caribou fled to their new feeding grounds. Through the swirling mists we can see the pack ice tightening its †† †iron grip on the fjord. The sun is dwindling and dying and darkness taking hold. The year grows old and weary, and I with it.

Voice 2: Well there’s none of us getting any younger, sir, that’s for sure. Now what can I do you for?

Voice 1: I should like to purchase a magazine containing photographs of young people performing sexual acts, including – but not confined to – fellatio. The girl should be †moderately attractive and possess sizable secondary sexual characteristics. If the male has a large penis also this would be good, but it is not so important. But there should be clear photographic evidence of ejaculation taking place. Do you have such a thing, shopkeeper?

Voice 2: Right you are sir, wank mags are over there.

A MOMENT LATER...

Voice 1: Good afternoon again shopkeeper. I believe I shall purchase a copy of ‘Teenage Fuck Party’.

Voice 2: Very good choice sir. That’ll be ten kroner.

Voice 1: Good choice or not, it may distract me for a brief moment from the coming of the night and the cold and the end.

Voice 2: Would you like that in a bag sir?

Voice 1: No. I shall carry it openly, that all the world might know what a sad, lonely onanist I am. It is the part that I was born to play.

Voice 2: Well, you know what they say sir – what’s for you won’t go by you.

Voice 1: Indeed – and what is there for all of us in the end but death? And, no, I fear that will not go by us. The Arctic hare can scamper over the frozen tundra all he likes, but† the wolf will hunt him down at the last.

Voice 2: Very good sir. Would you care for a complimentary lingenberry?

Voice 1: No. They set up a fear and trembling in my soul and give me wind.

Voice 2: OK then. Well, have a nice day, sir.

Voice 1: I shall try, shopkeeper, I shall try, for God knows it may be my last.

NEXT WEEK : BACK TO THE PORNOGRAPHERS FOR A FULL REFUND


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