From Portobello Pup Pound to Cannine Columnist.
Why not share your problems with Geouufff at the following Email address (IF, you have an email address, that is, we do!!)

Dear Geouff,
Please settle a bet. Is 80 the new 25? or is 60 the new 50?

P. Ronaldson, Abbeyhill.

Geouff says…….
Listen carefully Peter 22 is actually the new 67, and 53 is the new 27, and as for 5 – that’s the new 7. Hope that clears things up for you.

Dear Geouff!
Is it me or does everybody get that feeling of becoming more and more desperate for a poo  the closer they get to their house and by the time you actually get to the bathroom it’s just flies out of your arse like a rocket propelled grenade in downtown Basra?

Alistair Jeremy Ross Watt, Lady Nairn Terrace Edinburgh.

Geouff says……
It’s not just you Al. Peoples bottom have a natural radar that’s knows exactly where their own toilet is. This usually works out perfectly unless your reeking/ forgotten/dropped your keys.If I get close to touching the cloth I just remember that scene from Mel Gibson’s ‘Braveheart’ when his army is about to be attacked “Hold,Hold…Hold!”

Dear Geouuff!
Why is it that when you or I go out and have a poo in public our owners (Tee hee) have to clean up our mess whereas when police officers are on their horses, the horses just get to dump a big load(and I do mean big) on the road and carry on as if nothing has happened. Shouldn’t police officers have to clean up their horses dung like everybody else? I mean they are the first to complain….On a lighter I wonder if you could print this photo of me on a recent visit to the dentist

Yours in canine companionship, Pepper, Stockbridge

Geouff Says…………..
I never really thought of it – but your right! Those horses certainly know how to dump. Still, I’m not going to complain…are you? As far as the pic goes – consider it done Mr P.

Dear Geouff!
I have heard that Slyvester Stallone is back and due to start filming Rocky VI in December. Do you think there is any possibility that he might be fighting ‘Rock’ from Renegade Communications in the finale? And furthermore what do you think ‘Rock’ would look like naked and oiled from the waist up?

(name and address respectfully withheld) Rock,  Sloane St.

Geouffs reply………
As a fully qualified doctorI could answer all of your questions – but I’m not sure they would be suitable for publication in a family newspaper. Thank you for your interest.

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