The shavers weekly has managed to uncover sinister new facts surrounding the proposed surruptitious introduction of id cards in Scotland.
As well as having the holders personal details such as name, date of birth and current address, we can reveal the government will also be able to estimate a) the colour and the length of time people have been wearing their undergarments and b) whether the card holder has had sex with Weekly cub reporter Guy Griffiths in the last 72 hours.
Speaking exclusively from inside Leather and Lace in Easter Road Mr Griffiths 41, Told The Shavers Weekly (the paper that cares) “This is great news. Thank the good lord! Now I’ll be able to trace what I’ve been doing at the Weekends. I wonder if they’ll be able to calculate if the sex has been satisfactory and selfless – I hope not. God I hate the office, The continual grind of the nine till five. I wish I’d kept up that pyjama modelling career.”