FLATULENT MSP BLAMED FOR SUBSIDENCE IN CITY

FLATULENT MSP BLAMED FOR SUBSIDENCE IN CITY

House prices in the City’s Royal mile plummeted yesterday after the shock announcement that ‘earthy’ SMP Margo McDonald is to visit St Marys Close below the city Chambers. Many surveyors have long held the belief that McDonald should be barred from the underground and supposedly haunted street. It’s feared that her unpredictable bowel movements could play havoc with foundations in the area.

TUBA PLAYER

McDonald, who’s extreme flatulence first came to light after she was held responsible for ‘blowing the bolts out of  the parliamantary roof, claims that it’s just a storm in a teacup. Speaking outside Real Foods in Wester Hailes she commented ” The late Sir Donald dewar ,who had an arse like an orange parade Tuba player, visited St Mary’s Close on several occasions without doing any damage and John ‘Canape’ Gibson the intrepid and every hungry Evening news reporter who can ‘clear an entire office without really trying’ has also been below the High street without incident – I don’t see why my visit should be any different given the fact that I’m Not actually that flatulent as has been reported in the popular and indeed unpopular press (the weekly) of late. Just to show that I am not without caring though, I will be eliminating bran from my diet for the previous two weeks.”

THUNDER

The facts though, speak for themselves –  The Shavers Weekly – The paper that cares has uncovered that a fourteen week government funded programme into flatulence and MSP’s found that McDonald passed almost SEVEN times as much wind in an hour than that of the entire Labour cabinet in the whole of a typical november.

SQUEAKY LEATHER SOFA

When quizzed about the results by the Weekly McDonald was still adamant that nothing was amiss. “I simply cannot understand what the fuss is about.” she commented “I have no idea where all this coverage has come from. Two months ago before the Parliamentary roof was supsrisingly damaged there

was no mention anywhere about either my bowel activity or that of my workmates. All this is beyond me and I’m suprised that members of the press can actually find the time or the column inches to continue what is at best a very, very weak story.”

"The railway line to Livingston after a recent McDonald visit."

PUBLISHING HERO

Events though, events continue to unfold, and the Shavers Weekly – the paper that cares – continues to uncover more tales from schoolfriends, university colleagues and workmates of powerful, powerful bowel activity. Shavers Weekly editor and ‘Friend of the earth, Frank Simpson told assembled LIST journalists “It is neither my or the fault of The Shavers Weekly that there is a huge market of readers that like, nay demand, more details about the activities of their MSP’s – especially their day to day bowel movements. It’s hardly suprising considering it has now been proved beyond all doubt that it was Margo McDonalds flatulence that was directly responsible for the damage to the Holyrood parliament’s roof earlier this year. I have seen the surveyor’s report and it’s there in black and white. Including a cartoon of Mcdonald with an arrow connecting her arse and the damaged beam in the Holyrood building. The prophet Mohammed features too. I hope that doesn’t upset anybody. Nobody would get that upset over a silly cartoon would they?””

Margo McDonalds flatulence:
Well what can I say that hasn’t already been said:-Nothing, except this one simply won’t go away -this story is a biggie and going to run and run until of course we finally get an answer, which, in my opinion, won’t be for a while. So be ready for more. And then a little bit more…

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