Shavers weekly editor Mr Frank F.W.de Simpson (63) has decided to break his self imposed silence on the recent spate of terrorist attacks.
“The latest are shocking, truly shocking.” commented the ashen faced 59 year old, “I mean to say three attempted attacks over the Summer and people are still more scared by the weather – it’s embarrassing. If Britain wants to be on the world stage we are going to have to try and up our game as far as terrorism is concerned – I personally would recommend setting up training camps in The Fife hills – that’s right – deep in the lonely, lonely Fife hills. We need to get the basics right, equipment and usage, such as how to use mobile phones, cigarette lighters and perhaps calculators, though I’m not sure about them – they are rather confusing and the buttons are quite small. The attitude and the rest should just fall into place.”