EDITOR DELIGHTED WITH PROTEGE’S PROGRESS

Shavers Weekly editor and Scottish ‘Halloween’ champion Mr Frank Simpson is said to be delighted with the progress of tennis ace Andrew Murray.

TALENT

“He’s coming along fine – I’m just glad that everything I taught him has paid off for the lad. I think it was my valuable advice after a day out drinking in Lumphinans miners welfare two years ago that has helped him to his way into the top 50 tennis players in the world,” he commented.

"Winning formula: A skirt."

USUAL SUNDAY

When quizzed about what exactly he had told the Dunblane born youngster Simpson, 59, who tried to sell his elbows on e-bay last summer, explained that “Sadly that specific information is no longer available  because I had been drinking in West Fife for most of the morning, the afternoon and early evening for that matter – In fact I think I went out in Dumfy that night as well. I often spend my Sundays that way. Relaxing. Strangely enough I do remember however telling him  always to practice in a skirt – just the same as I told Boris’Cupboard’ Becker.”

Other well known sports stars Mr Simpson has helped along whilst drunk include square jawed formula 1 ace David Coulthard and Huey from the Fun Lovin’ Criminals.

FRANKS TOP 3 TIPS TO GET THE FASTLANE

1. Wherever possible, always practice your chosen sport in comfortable yet fashionable skirt. The skirt in question should be neither too long or too short. Be aware of possible climate changes before making you choice.

2. See above.

3. Refer to No 1.

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