The Living Room,
George Street.
It was great about two years ago but now I’m not, due to the law of the land, allowed – my pals tell me it’s brilliant though – and that they’ve spoken to the doormen – and I’m still barred.

The Caves,
Niddry Street.
I’ve heard that it’s totally rocking. I’ve not actually been in the building and it’s unlikely that I will now that I’m barred.

George Street.
The front door looks nice but that’s as much s I’ve seen as I was rumbled last month when trying to review it . I got sent away by the ever vigilant doorstaff – I was pretty close to getting in though!

Niddrie Street.
Never been, barred.


Leith Sreet.
Quite laid back tunes till 1am then apparently banging after – I can’t say because after 1am it officially turns into a nightclub and, due to the law of the land, I have to leave.

VooDoo Rooms,
above Cafe Royal.
I for one can tell the readers that the music from this intimate nitespot sounds great – from outside that is.

Queensfeery St.
Oh I don’t think I’ve heard of this one, where is it the West End? Hmm must try it…Oh wait a minute Oh I did in 2006 and then received a two year ban as part of the excellent ‘Unight’ campaign.

Liquid Rooms,
Victoria Street.
For the first two hours I was in this place it was totally banging, then, sadly, it opened to the public and I had to leave.

Victoria Street.
A lot has been said about Espionage or ‘The Nage’ as it’s called – but not by me as I’m banned for two years.

Cabaret Voltaire,
Blair Street.
The toilets in this establishment are worth the cover price alone! – and I can tell you – I had to hide in them for four hours in them while my mates partied hard on the dancefloor upstairs.

The Dome,
George Street.
It’s just a big Dome isn’t it?I can’t see what all the fuss is about – no really I can’t – because I’m barred! I’ll get in one day mind!

A new place on the scene that is all things to all people. And due to the fact its my house I can go to – Happy hours 6 til 8 on Fridays. N.B. Riordies has a strict dress policy. No football colours or Chelsea boots please.

Any nightclubs in Glasgow.
Glasgow is awfy, awfy, awfy far away – how would I get back home afterwards? I’m only on five grand a week…

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