CUTS AT WEEKLY SHOCK STAFF

CUTS AT WEEKLY SHOCK STAFF

The credit crunch is relentless in its progress through the country’s economy and has even hit upmarket publications such as the Shavers Weekly. The Weekly is proud to reveal.

CHUBBY KYLIE

A staff member who wished to remain anonymous but was then immediately named and sacked on the spot told us ‘Things like toiletries and the like have always been kept to a minimum at The Weekly – fair enough you might say – but the toilets themselves being removed a fortnight ago was a bit of a shock.’ Another member of the huge writing team also had complaints ‘You have to respect our editor Mr Simpson but the cementing up of the holes in the ground may surely have bit a step too far.’ Other steps to reduce overheads are thought to include the total removal of oxygen from the accounting and expenses sector though no-one from that department has been available for comment for over four days.

HUGE BULBS

Weekly editor, stuntman, farmhand and Mr Gay Ukraine Frank Simpson (59) explained the situation ‘In a tough situation like everyone has to make sacrifices – including me – Look at my new Daimler. Is it the the bizzo? – certainly – But there’s a down side because of the recession I’ve had to take the low beam bulbs out of the headlights – we all have to compromise one way or another – but it’s still the fucking bizzo !’

"Excess: How the Weekly toilets looked in the 80’s."

LATE NEWS: The Weekly staff xmas party is to go ahead as planned. But now will take place in the karaoke lounge at CC’s rather than the toilets at the Balmoral.

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