Christian leaders are expected to take to the streets of Dunfermline today in response to what they regard as religious prejudice by the little read and even less well liked periodical The Shavers weekly. We can exclusively and slightly proudly reveal this evening.


Speaking from The St Margrets Hotel in central Dunfermline, Reg Progress, a member of the church for as long as he can remember his parents forcing him to go, told us, “It’s just not fair, this is religious bias as bad as I’ve seen. The Shavers Weekly, normally a fair and honest, if not at all good or well read   publication, has seen fit to put the muslim faith on it’s front cover ahead of us christians. It’s so blatant – Don’t the powers that be at The Weekly realise that we as fair minded christian believers also think the weekly is pish? Just as shit as the muslims think it is? I mean to say,” he continued ” Issue after issue of cheap, smutty gags combined with weak time related ones such as the one I’m taking part in as `I quote. When will they learn. How could I be commenting on something that in reality I couldn’t have possibly read.”

Frank Simpson (in red) takes command of the peleton as it makes it way through the beautiful hamlet of Kingseat, Fife in 1963. Simpson went on to win the stage and gifted the coveted yellow jersey to ‘close’ friend John Inman.


Hearing about the latest outburst against his Publication, Shavers Weekly editor and self made stock car racing magnate, Frank Simpson (59) was unconcerned, even a little excited. “The Shavers Weekly has always maintained a consistent stance when it comes to religion:- we simply don’t give a fuck – when was the last time you saw a church taking an ad in the Weekly – not recently I can tell you, and even that one time when we put a bogus advert in for them – did they pay up – no siree! not once they found out what  sort of publication it was.

We simply don’t bother about religion as proved by this Special Religious Issue – We’re not even concerned with atheists! My years of not bothering to  worship the devil while living in the beautiful town of Kingseat taught me this early in life.”

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