YOUR STARS BY HEAVILY PREGNANT CHRISTINA AGUILERA – DEC 2007

YOUR STARS BY HEAVILY PREGNANT CHRISTINA AGUILERA – DEC 2007

Christina pregnant and faked!
by heavily pregnant Christina Aguilera.

Pisces

Work seems difficult and going nowhere at the moment. There is, however, a simple explanation. You’ve been getting on the wrong bus and doing a shift in a Dundee slaughterhouse instead of The New Town Massage Parlour.

Sagittarius

My god Uranus is huge!! Expect and exciting couple of months ahead with lots of hilarity and ‘unusual’encounters.

Virgo

An inopportune coughing fit sees you soiling your pants (heavily) on the No22 this Wednesday. Unlucky colour: Brown.

Libra

Go On! Kiss them… before it’s too late…

Scorpio

Its time to get over the Glasgow Fort shopping centre and visit Hobbycraft for all your requirements. They’ve got everything you need – lots of scud and poppers for your special ‘pastime’.

Capricorn

Love is in the air this month! For your pet dog,Wilson, that is. You, as usual,  are not getting anything from anyone.

Leo

Anything seems possible at the moment, career, lovelife, financial matters – your confidence is sky high – It’s a pity that your fast asleep – it seems a shame to wake you – quickly though, no time for breakfast, up and out the door – you know what the boss is like if you’re late…

Aquarius

Yours is a sign that will benefit most from the suns position. Now is an excellent time for study travel or settling legal disputes, so why not study that pornographic tape of you on the web and see if you can’t get a reasonable cash settlement.

Gemini

2008 is going to be a great year for you! Apart from the unwanted pregnancy, the broken leg and the increasing dependency on alcoholic beverages and sleeping pills. Lucky colour: None.

Aries

A big poo in the hand (or on a glass table), in the right establishment, is worth about £120.  As for birds in the bush I simply don’t know. Merry Xmas and a happy new year.

Cancer

Life is full of surprises! – Both romantic and financial!First, romantically…Well…Your dumped!Secondly your finances…Hmm…your best bet might be to contact ‘Picture Loans’.

Taurus

Everyone get their 15 minutes of fame they say, it’s just a shame yours arrives via Crimewatch after getting caught shoplifting an unbelievably massive vibrator from Cash Converters.

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