YEZ AR AU STARS – AUG 2005

YEZ AR AU STARS – AUG 2005

presented by Edinburgh District Council in conjunction with Fife & Lothians Health Board and NOKIA.

SAGITTARIUS

A late night surprise visit by ageing England batsmen Sir Geouffry Boycott gives yourself and your partner a much clearer indication as to why your sex life is not all that it should be. In fact it’s stupid, absolutely stupid, it also dawns on you that it’s a bit daft, and stupid…You’ve got to prepare properly. Hard work it’s all about hard work, confidence and preparation. You can’t just turn up and expect results. Its down to good honest hard work and preparation. To do anything else is just stupid, daft if you like.

LIBRA

Given that it’s that sore – shouldn’t you maybe go and see someone about it? Surely by now the pain is outweighing the embarrassment?

CANCER

Oh dear it looks like George Clooney is in for a long wait again in Mathers (West end). He must start to realise that it’s not all about him in the relationship. Space has to, and will be, made for The North Edinburgh Ladies Darts Association.

LEO

Nobody knows much about Tena for Men® in the U.K. yet do they? Isn’t about time that your ‘gang’ all chipped in a fiver, had a few drinks in The Scotsman’s Lounge on Cockburn Street and then drew straws for whose going into the extremely handy nearby Boots® to start asking those awkward yet perfectly natural and grown up questions. There’s no need for sniggering. I think it’s about time we were all made aware of what products are available and when and where they are appropriate and exactly what they do and why…And which product, when and in what situation and why… look I thought I made it clear there’s no need for sniggering…

SCORPIO

Your new job as main promoter for Tena for Men® U.K. starts in a fortnight. Any ideas?

VIRGO

‘T’ in the ‘P’ was a big stepping  stone wasn’t it? Those new ‘feel and learn’ training napkins from Pampers are almost making a difference but you have along way to go yet. Let’s not go planning to many big nights out. One step at a time please. Unlucky colour light yellow/green.

GEMINI

An offer to adopt yet more children with Angela Jolie in Asia somewhere has to be brutally knocked back next Thursday due to prior engagements with The North Edinburgh Ladies Darts League Association.

AQUARIUS

Be sure a make a habit of cleaning and washing yourself a little more this month – yes, people are beginning to talk, not to your face obviously, but behind your back, oh boy are they talking. Not just mates either. We’re talking about casual office acquantinces. People in the street, mainly the opposite sex, it’s just something that can’t be ignored:- you’re humming.

PISCES

A visit to the Ocean Terminal cinema makes your month on the thirteenth. Ben Stiller causes uncontrollable laughter and hilarity when he collapses and dies after a massive coronary -not in the film but after eating too much popcorn in row 8! The efforts of two overweight St Andrews ambulancemen and a

TAURUS

Wet out isn’t it?

CAPRICORN

The month ahead is looking very tedious. A four day visit to Ikea with John Cleese and no spending money would prove more entertaining.

ARIES

Stars are just a lot of rubbish aren’t they? Made up by overweight, incontinent fantasists – normally, but not this time. You will have a nasty accident on the 29th.

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