Ayrton Senna A Great racing driver

with the ghost of the late Ayrton Senna.


Aquarians, like the lovely ghost of Ayrton Senna, are versatile and easy going in nature. This month you should concentrate on letting down the tyres of all your neighbour’s cars without being detected by the correct authorities.


A night out  with Tony Mowbray and friends at Fishers in Leith is spoilt by his continual sneaking off to answer his mobile for ‘very hushed’ chats.


They say lightening never strikes twice in the same place -‘they’ are proved wrong this Thursday when you drunkenly  bag off with the same total minger that you did last Thursday.


You have an abundance of brilliant ideas, it’s just a great pity that you smell badly and no- one has the time of day to listen to them.


When it comes to financial matter your judgment is rock solid – This goes some way to explain why you haven’t bought a round in the last four months and why nobody cares for your company.


This month is not a time to hold back in your career – get back to the sauna on Monday and demand that rise – or at least a reduction on laundry bills.


Being able to prove a point you’ve been trying to make to your flatmates for several weeks now leaves you feeling smug and contented – That’s right your arse won’t fit through that small hole in the fence on that shortcut home – that’s telling them  you fat bastard !


A financial misunderstanding will be resolved quickly and without too much  embarrassment in your local corner store when it is made clear to you (in front of a full shop) that pornography, rubber  fetish, watersports or otherwise, must be paid for just the same as other magazines.


You feel slightly alienated and that people do not understand you. But, as the month moves on you realise that it’s not so much misunderstand you as quite plainly hate you and all that you stand for.


A late night meeting with George Michael up Calton Hill leads to another uncomfortable nights sleep in the back of his car with Geri Haliwell, Sir Elton, David Furnish, Tommy Sheridan, Calverto, Sheena Easton and George Foulkes. Quite naturally Lulu is forced to sleep outside on the cold, damp grass without a blanket and out-with earshot of Radio Forth’s Bouncing Beetroot Hour.


Knocking back Kate Winslet in the Port ‘O’ Leith seems a bit harsh – but it’s for the best – next Friday.


If you had any real feelings for the people around you, you’d go home right now and shower carefully and extensively, then change both your socks, pants and finally your attitude.

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