THE STARS BY AARON SPELLING – AUG 2006

THE STARS BY AARON SPELLING – AUG 2006


with the ghost of the late Aaron Spelling.

AQUARIUS

Aquarians! Start the month by doing a good deed and thinking of those around you- Try wearing a bag on your head before leaving the house.

SAGITTARIUS

Looks like your job as spokesperson for the U.N. may be in danger after your generous offer to Hezbullah and the Israelis to ‘try and settle things over a pint’ falls on cold, cold ears.

CANCER

Think of new ways to hang out and relax. Try and meet some new company. Why not try phoning Hollywood powerbroker  Mel Gibson, he could do with a few extra  pals at the moment.

LIBRA

Things have been hectic recently  and should make an effort to relax over the next couple of days. Try drinking the following over the weekend: Two bottles of Wine, a bottle of Rolov Vodka about twenty five pints of strong continental bier,  as much Midori as you can bear plus down  at least  – and I do mean at least – half a family sized bottle of Night Nurse. Then visit your partner’s parents  and put the world to rights.

LEO

After reading Noel Edmonds latest book about cosmic order and self focus You set yourself some tough goals this month. Sadly none of it is going to come to fruition – especially the bit where you intend to have ‘a satisfactory sexual encounter.’

VIRGO

Casual sex has never seemed so casual as next Wednesday in The Alhambra. You’ll hardly feel it – and you know why? Because you’re dreaming. You’ve fallen asleep at closing time again and have to be revived with a well aimed glass of water.

PISCES

Drinking tramps’ piss doesn’t actually do that much for anti-ageing – but that doesn’t mean it’s not fun – so don’t knock before you try it.

TAURUS

Be cautious when someone suggests a thrilling plan this month. These swingers clubs aren’t all they’re cracked up to be and your managerial job at  Standard Life could suffer.

CAPRICORN

Liz Hurley  goes  through hell to keep that bikini figure at 41 – so it’s ‘a bit disrespectful’ for you and your friends to throw pies  at her when you see her leaving Leith’s  plush Waterworld  facility on Thursday.

SCORPIO

Best not beat about the bush. Let’s just sum up the coming month for you in two words – ‘Nil Points.

ARIES

It may be irritating to find that  friends or a loved one have been  keeping things from you – But lets face it genital warts aren’t something you really want to shout about.

GEMINI

Tired of dancing to someone else’s tune? I’m not surprised – as much as Two Unlimited were a great band – ‘No Limits’ gets tiresome after the ninth consecutive listen.

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