Try this extremely quick, no-nonsense test
1. You’re at a party In Treacle. Madonna comes up to you and asks to suck you off in the toilets do you:
A) Quietly slip down another lager tops and oblige – being sure to give her proper direction at every stage.
B) Accompany her to the toilet telling her that you liked her when she played football for Argentina but why did she take all that cocaine?
C) Point repeatedly and animatedly at the clock and explain it’s almost nine and time to change your colostomy bag.
2. You are out for a night out with Roxy and Uncle peach, someone suggests some light drug taking. Do You:
a) Run out and get something organised straight away.
b) Sit back and learn.
c) Slowly shake your head tutting saying ‘Back in my day…”
3. There is no number 3 this is a quick quiz.