Everyone’s at it – and no fucking wonder –it’s fucking barry! It’s Igloo building! That’s right, Igloo building!! First immortalised in Irvine “Stewarts Melville” Welsh’s groundbreaking novelette Trainspotting and now fully endorsed by the likes of Kirsty Wark and Sheena Mcdonald (not to mention the late Donald ‘Taj Mahal’ Dewar). The scintillating pastime of building igloos is as popular now as it was during the lifetime of the Baird, the bald yin – Rabbie Burns. Shavers Weekly takes you behind the scenes with ten top tips, which may well see you breaking your habit of waterfall jumping.
1. Summer is not the time to be building igloos only an idiot would attempt such a meaningless, badly planned, unorganised, juvenile occupation.
2. If you ever get the chance…. Try your best not to invest in the Scottish skiing industry. Along with the engrossing sport of igloo building, skiing is sadly under threat from our warmer wetter winters.
3. General Wades road building activities in 1800’s Scottish were largely inspired by a childhood spent building miniature igloos in Kent by an overbearing father called Ian.
4. Kirsty Young openly admits to feeling at her most sensual and ‘very,very likely to climax’ when relaxing in a half constructed igloo at the bottom of her garden in Castlemilk.
5. Scotland’s first ‘dry’ housing estate ‘The Milk’ didn’t help much with the level of drinking by it’s occupants. It did liven up the local night bus service though.
6. Sheena Easton learnt to ‘sing’ on a Glasgow night service bus when dating ‘Senator’ Pat Lally in the seventies.
7. Mr T was born in an igloo in Aspen, Colorado, a fact not lost on George Peppard. Peppard would build Mr T a titanium plated igloo on his birthday every year that the pair starred on the A Team. Unbeknown to Mr T Peppard secretly urinated on every single ice block used in these constructions.
8. John Leslie has no interest in the history of igloo building unlike Princess Grace of Monaco who was a lifelong fan.
9. Donald Dewar’s first scale model of Xanadu (The New Scottish parliament building) was made out of ice…and potato skins.
10. There is no number ten nor will there ever be.
11. I’ve told you once! Don’t go trying to build an igloo in Scotland in the Summer – It’d be far easier in January or Feb when there might be some snow around.
12. Exciting new research shows that American daredevil test pilot Chuck Yeager would often take trays of ice up in his experimental jet X1 in an effort to build very small igloos whilst breaking the sound barrier.