A well known bar in Blackfriars St has decided to change course after offering regular customers a water park themed smoking area. GINGER GENT Black Bo’s of Blackfriars St created a 540,000 gallon sea park out of their beer garden at the start of July and flew over a killer whale called Binkie and it’s… Continue Reading →
HUGE LEAP FORWARD IN TECHNOLOGY PLACES WEEKLY IN WORLD SPOTLIGHT After the news that The Shavers Weekly now has it’s own e-mail address. John Craven, Faye and ‘H’ from Steps are predicting that the little known and even less well-liked periodical could easily be leading the arms race within two years. ELECTRONIC HIGHWAY Speaking on… Continue Reading →
The district council unveiled plans yesterday to turn the Water of Leith from stinking cesspit into a giant flume park with free white-water rafting for all. “For too long now The Water of Leith has been a subject of much complaint and misery, be it the constant supply of corpses, footballs and soiled undergarments, the… Continue Reading →
From Portobello Pup Pound to Cannine Columnist. Why not share your problems with Geouufff at the following Email address (IF, you have an email address, that is, we do!!) Dear Geouff, Please settle a bet. Is 80 the new 25? or is 60 the new 50? P. Ronaldson, Abbeyhill. Geouff says……. Listen carefully Peter 22 is actually… Continue Reading →
HUGH GRANT, our first celebrity bar reviewer, opens his heart topubspy@the vinegar stroke: “I’ve been to the Opal Lounge a few times but it’s not really my scene, I’m more of a lager-and-pagger-shop kind of guy. I come here because I’m looking for love, I suppose, but once I find the right girl – looks aren’t… Continue Reading →
“No you can’t have a shot on the bike, pal, we don’t do timewasters. We need to see cash up front and you just don’t cut the mustard. You’ve been wearing the same suit for the last thirty years, the arse is hingin out your breeks, you’ve got porridge stains all down your tie and… Continue Reading →
YOU TELL US WHAT’S WRONG AND WE WILL MAKE SURE IT GETS FIXED (EVENTUALLY) ARTHURS SEAT Who’s responsible: Not The Weekly, don’t go calling us that’s for sure. Historic Scotland are the people you want to telephone immediately Tel: 0131 225 9846 (ask for wee Rab) alternatively if you have the Internet. www.historic-scotland.gov.uk First Reported:… Continue Reading →
SINISTER TERROR ATTACKS AT PLUSH OFFICES SHOCKS EDITOR The extremely plush Shavers weekly offices in Dunfermline have come under attack from what Editor Mr Frank F. W. de Simpson describes as ‘sinister mindless fanatics.’ Two separate incidents this month make worrying signs that the upmarket newspaper enjoyed by ordinary, sexually aware, families for generations may… Continue Reading →
TIRED OLD HEADLINE GETS INCLUDED DESPITE BEST EFFORTS OF EDITORIAL STAFF A genuinely tired Shavers Weekly editor, Frank Simpson, apologised to regular readers yesterday at a hastily convened press conference held in the showroom of Grove Bedding in the Haymarket /Tollcross area. “With the “Oh No It’s The Festival Wanks!” I’ve created a monster that simply… Continue Reading →
ITS EASY JUST FOLLOW OUR 10-POINT PLAN. Sponsored by Land of Leather® The Choice for couch potatoes everywhere! 1. Go to Land of Leather® Straiton Park and buy a cheesy leather sofa. Expect to pay 50% of a price tag that has recently been doubled. 2. Buy a selection of ‘Gentleman’s interest’ magazines. 3. Relax… Continue Reading →