Category Archives: June 2005

‘BLOWING OFF’ NO LONGER CONSIDERED RUDE

‘BLOWING OFF’ NO LONGER CONSIDERED RUDE

Startling new figures released to The Shavers weekly last night show that Britain’s yob culture is truly spiraling out of control. New crime statistics show that muggings, car crime and certain forms of masturbation are all slightly on the increase, however, more worrying is the trend that youths no longer consider ‘blowing off’ to be… Continue Reading →

EDITOR OUTLINES G8 PLANS

EDITOR OUTLINES G8 PLANS

The seemingly irresistible political rise of Dunfermline based self made millionaire, lap dancing expert and ‘Shavers Weekly’ publisher Mr Frank Sinpson continued apace last night with a press conference at The Maltings on St Leonard Street (Vodka 50p a pop every Wednesday from 7pm onwards). KEBAB Speaking before journalists from all five continents, Simpson began… Continue Reading →

MYSTERIOUS BREAK-INS AT WEEKLY OFFICES

Editor and chief Mr Frank Simpson is to upgrade security at plush The Shavers Weekly offices – ‘Simpson’s Pants’ – in central Dunfermline. The move comes after a mysterious spate of break-ins in which all staff apart from Simpson have had their wages stolen. WAGE CUTS Speaking from the Mercedes showroom in Haymarket, Edinburgh, 59… Continue Reading →

WHY LEITH BEIGE ARE GETTING IT SO SO SO SO SO WRONG!

WHY LEITH BEIGE ARE GETTING IT SO SO SO SO SO WRONG!

with GUEST COLUMNIST SIR GEOFFREY BOYCOTT. Stupid, stupid, absolutely stupid. Middleton – Stupid, Heinitz  absolutely Stupid. Cornie –Stupid! Mckean – absolutely stupid. Nonsense it’s all nonsense. In my day it wouldn’t have been so stupid. Back to basics is what these lads need to learn. Moxy – stupid! Bilson! – Stupid! Why oh why oh why… Continue Reading →