Category Archives: December 2003

SCOTTISH ATHLETICS IN DRUGS TURMOIL!

SCOTTISH ATHLETICS IN DRUGS TURMOIL!

A row has broken out between The East and West of Scotland Athletics Associations The Shavers Weekly can exclusively reveal! CAT The disagreement between the two boards concerns the introduction of strict new measures to try and eradicate performance enhancing drugs within the sport. As from February 2005 any athlete using banned substances to try and… Continue Reading →

FAT GERS STARS IN FRESH SCANDAL

FAT GERS STARS IN FRESH SCANDAL

THE FATTEST EXCLUSIVES ARE ALWAYS IN THE WEEKLY! Controversial soccer ace and entrepreneur Derek Johnstone is back in the headlines today after announcing his plans to leave  Lanarkshire. Derek and his company FDJ, which acheived international acclaim with it’s gel filled “Ultimato Tomato” bra, are to quit the area for good. The decision was made after Johnstone… Continue Reading →

RACEY SIR CLIFF’S 42 FACTS YOU ALREADY NEW ALREADY ABOUT ‘BINGE DRINKING’

RACEY SIR CLIFF’S 42 FACTS YOU ALREADY NEW ALREADY ABOUT ‘BINGE DRINKING’

1. Binge drinking has been around for centuries and in the smokey, bawdy taverns of the 17th Century was known as ‘A right fucking laugh’ and ‘a great way to round of the weekend.’ 2. Strangely looked down upon by the government at the moment. Binge drinking supplies the same government with over 75% of… Continue Reading →

BALD NOT THE NEW BLACK

U.N. CONFIRMS WHAT LOYAL WEEKLY READERS HAVE KNOWN FOR YEARS…. The Beleaguered Untied Nations still has the power to step in and sort out the facts and judgements that really matter The Weekly is proud to reveal! SLAPHEAD CONSPIRACY Despite the best and most desperate efforts of Sir Sean Connery, ‘Jinkie’ Jimmy Johnstone and  pop sensation Paul… Continue Reading →