The Lost Issue

The Lost Issue

Finally, Big Frank has given permission to publish online the ‘lost issue’ of the Shavers Weekly from August 2007 Festival. This issue had been misplaced by staff and was latter described as boring and lacking in appeal. It featured some heavyweight celebrities such as Jacque Costeau, Andy Murray and Noel Edmonds . You can read it… Continue Reading →

THE SHAVERS WEEKLY TOP 8 ELIGABLE BACHALORS & BACHOLETTES

PETER TOBIN Lives: Prison Plus: You’ll not have to meet him unless you want to Minus: Don’t bother introducing the kids, unless you don’t like them of course. Do: Provide jellies and other substances on visiting days. Don’t: Introduce the kids – Now come on you’ve already been warned! COLIN MONTGOMERY Lives: In a self satisfied world… Continue Reading →

YOUR STARS BY HEAVILY PREGNANT CHRISTINA AGUILERA – DEC 2007

YOUR STARS BY HEAVILY PREGNANT CHRISTINA AGUILERA – DEC 2007

by heavily pregnant Christina Aguilera. Pisces Work seems difficult and going nowhere at the moment. There is, however, a simple explanation. You’ve been getting on the wrong bus and doing a shift in a Dundee slaughterhouse instead of The New Town Massage Parlour. Sagittarius My god Uranus is huge!! Expect and exciting couple of months ahead… Continue Reading →

DEAR EDITOR: FATHER GEOUFF!

DEAR EDITOR: FATHER GEOUFF!

YOU CONFESS. HE, HOWEVER…IS THINKING ABOUT WHERE HIS NEXT MEAL IS COMING FROM.. Dear Father Geouff! Does Andy Murray like scud? By e-mail, P.Ronaldson, Newhaven.   Yes, very much so Pete, the talented six footer rents an old aircraft hanger near Stirling to keep his vast selection of pornography his favourite titles are said to include … Continue Reading →

CAN YOU MATCH THE STARS, THEIR VOMIT AND THEIR BOTTOMS?

SHAVERS WEEKLY SUMMER FETE 2006 Your are cordially invited (plus 1) to attend BOTTOMS UP SHOWBAR, Lothian Road, on 1st August 2006, 8pm for cocktails, Strictly no denims/trainers. It all happens at the office party as they say! Above we have a selection of snaps from the Shavers Weekly 36th annual Summer fete. Can you, the uninvited reader, match… Continue Reading →

FUNDAMENTALISTS NOT IN THE SLIGHTEST BIT BOTHERED ABOUT RELEGIOUS BIAS IN THE WEEKLY

FUNDAMENTALISTS NOT IN THE SLIGHTEST BIT BOTHERED ABOUT RELEGIOUS BIAS IN THE WEEKLY

HEADLINES CONTINUE TO GROW IN LENGTH! Responding to reports of religious favoritism in The weekly a group of fundamentalists have told reporters that they remain unmoved by the storm of protest. CONFLICT! “Lets all just relax and try to get on, here would you like a piece of my tangerine. Their really sweet and fresh… Continue Reading →

DRINKING TOO MUCH??

DRINKING TOO MUCH??

Xmas is coming the geese are getting fat and so will you – you little porker! If you continue downing the oatmeal stout every night. Lets find out once and for all. This month the Weekly asks:- Horror of horrors!  – are you drinking too much? First a little about you: Age………………………………………………….. Sex………………………………………………….. Sexual preference……………………………….. Favourite position………………………………..… Continue Reading →

10 THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT ‘IGLOO BUILDING’ THIS SUMMER!

10 THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT ‘IGLOO BUILDING’ THIS SUMMER!

Everyone’s at it – and no fucking wonder –it’s fucking barry! It’s Igloo building! That’s right, Igloo building!! First immortalised in Irvine “Stewarts Melville” Welsh’s groundbreaking novelette Trainspotting and now fully endorsed by the likes of Kirsty Wark and Sheena Mcdonald (not to mention the late Donald ‘Taj Mahal’ Dewar). The scintillating pastime of building… Continue Reading →

BIN LADEN WORKING AT DIZZIES

BIN LADEN WORKING AT DIZZIES

After weeks of speculation The Shavers Weekly can exclusively reveal Bin Laden’s whereabouts. Speaking at a hastily convened press conference at ‘Leather and Lace’ on Infirmary Street, Shavers Weekly editor Frank F.W. De Simpson spoke candidly to a group of young inexperienced  Business A.M. Journalists, “Aye we know where Bin Laddie is and before I start… Continue Reading →

“I GIVE IT SIX WEEKS”

“I GIVE IT SIX WEEKS”

Weekly editor’s outburst before Royal Wedding Speaking at a hastily convened press conference outside A1 pets on Constitution Street Shavers Weekly editor and all round nice guy Mr Frank Simpson (59) has confused journalists from The Evening News, Scotsman,
The Skinny and even his 
own publication we can 
exclusively reveal! GONORRHEA Firstly he seemed to congratulate… Continue Reading →

LOCAL BAR NOT HAUNTED

LOCAL BAR NOT HAUNTED

Evening News reporters ‘gutted’ at losing potential story A Leith Public House has been found to be no more haunted than Sir Cliff Richards’s underwear drawer it has emerged. Evening news reporters were said to be ‘Incandescent with rage’ at the thought of losing a potential story that could have kept them in business for… Continue Reading →